Donkey’s Tail

Gladys' publishing tourYou feel, at any given moment in your life, that you are destined to walk across a pile of broken glass and bleed, or that you must repel bullets coming at you from all directions, and you become depressed. At other times, you feel – when you are faintly content – that the world is still good and that it is worth living in, and you are able to laugh.

And between your depressed moments and the echoes of your laughter is a strange place that helps you continue on, even if hesitantly.

You recall your childhood – that is, if you remember anything from it – and in the silence of your mind you review the lessons in morality, beauty, heeding God’s commands, and loving your country, so you smile when you realize that only through practicing the opposite of those high values are you safe and able to get along with society. This is a shocking realization. And when you find that what you teach your son is indeed nonsense, merely empty talk, you feel the deception of your surroundings and collapse under the weight of these double standards. When you collapse here, it is not said that you are weak?

At any given moment in your life, you feel that you are full of the blessing of love, that you radiate knowledge, that you are at the peak of your intellectual and emotional (or psychological) fruition. As a result, your tongue and imagination are freed and your vocabulary becomes more sophisticated, and you feel that a giant is rising from under the rubble of your silliness and you are refreshed. At the crest of your positive anxiety, you feel a burning in your gut or a weakness in your vision, or that you lost something of great importance. At the beginning, you tell yourself that it’s only a passing strain and that you are above all these falsehoods and that human beings are more noble than their instinctive and physiological binds. But soon after, you are surprised by the baseness of your mood and the stinginess of your imagination that, from now on, will be captive to pictures of the well-fed human, happy and completely healthy. Only then do you realize that you are riding your cherished donkey upside down.

At any given moment in your life, you feel that you are possessed by your personal thoughts and by what you call “your goal in life,” and that you are destined to abide by it to the end. You use human icons as examples of this, and you list their accomplishments, and when you are alone, you dream of their greatness and victories, the wreathes of laurel, and of a secure situation within the chaos of the city. And when you enter these golden moments, truthful, radiant, racing moments, you suddenly realize, like a fairytale, that discipline, goals and seriousness are a great joke. When you exit from this divine fog, you turn your face to the other side where life begins from plasma, not the offices of fools, and you smile, for you remember a sentence you used to read frequently and misunderstand nevertheless: “The path to hell is paved by good intentions.”

And now, as you die and are reborn in the face of humanity’s holiness and defects, do you have the audacity to continue walking this path? Do you have the courage to publicly proclaim the names and limits of things as they really are? If not, then continue on the path of broken glass. And live the madness of your mythical love, and lead yourself like a blind man toward your holy goals, for it has become apparent that you need many more years to bring the donkey that you ride back to life.

I admit that I tried to do all this: to decorate the donkey’s ears with earrings, and to give back the glory and luminescence of the donkey’s long neck by adorning it with expensive jewelry, but I failed. To tell the truth, I have found myself riding him backwards, and my stories are only evidence of this blaring failure.

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